My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
