a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
