I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
