The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
