Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
