The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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