To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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