she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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