3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
