So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
