take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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