Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
