when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
