I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
