Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
