I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Shame is for Republicans.
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