Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
