well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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