i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
