Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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