Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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