And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
