Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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