Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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