Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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