Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
