Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am one with the molecules
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
