My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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