Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
