he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
