I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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