They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize