Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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