help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
