After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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