if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
