dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were trust falling into bushes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
