If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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