Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
