i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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