Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
