Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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