I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
