new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
