I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
