If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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