Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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