He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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