I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
