Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
