Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
