And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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