we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
