Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
