Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
