she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
