Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
