do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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