You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
