my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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