but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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