I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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