whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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