ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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