The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
