I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he thought i was a dude.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I want a musical about memes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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