so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
