why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
