If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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