I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
