why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
